show you matter

Christian Lozada

 My union representative asks me:

“Take a selfie with a sign about

why you matter.”

I say, “Yes.”

And think about two more months and the job’s probation is over

He says, “and send it to the Board of Trustees.

We want to let them know we matter.”

I say, “No.”

And think about two more months and probation is over

about the two times I was interim and the next in line

told in side conversations in hushed tones and coffee breath

close enough to sway the hair in my ears

only to see some White guy get it.

“Why?”

“I need this job,” I say, hoping to speak his language:

White people are all about the job.

“But it can be better.”

And I think: oh, he’s one of them.

“No,” I say,

and I think about the shady shit to get here

about going into the back entrance to cross the picket lines for cash

about how some people start their jobs with paperwork

and others start their jobs with sweat

about pretending to have options

like putting the beans on top of the rice one meal

mashing them together the next

or separating them on the plate to be proper

about the thick but delicate meat cubes

that slurp out of Skippy Dog Food when there was nothing else

but keeping the roof

“No.”

Christian Hanz Lozada (he/him/they) is the son of an immigrant Filipino and a descendent of the Confederacy, so he knows the shape of hope and exclusion. He co-authored the poetry book Leave with More Than You Came With from Arroyo Seco Press and the history book Hawaiian in Los Angeles. His poems and stories have appeared in Hawaii Pacific Review (Pushcart Nominee), A&U Magazine, Rigorous Journal, Mud Season Review, Dryland, among others. Christian has featured at the Autry Museum, the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, Tebot Bach, and Beyond Baroque. He lives in San Pedro, CA and uses his MFA to teach his neighbors’ kids at Los Angeles Harbor College.